Why I’m trying this out

Posted on July 1, 2016

If you follow me on YouTube, you know I decided to do a video every day this July (or at least, I’ve decided to try it). I wanted to provide some context because I think it explains a lot of things, especially why I’m doing this project and where I’ve been the last few months, other than lurking around the internet like a ghost.

I wish I could make this a video, but honestly I don’t know if I could handle it. I don’t really know if I’ll be posting this or if that post will stay up.

Three months ago, I lost my partner. He had a congenital heart defect and passed away. We’d been together for six years.

I’ve been, understandably, withdrawn since. The last three months have been pretty reserved.

I’ve joked for  a long time about having pre-hermit tendencies and, to be honest, resisting them has been hard. It’s been easy to withdraw and just spend my time quietly by myself cuddling kitten. I’ve been lucky on this front. I have a fantastic group of friends, both those near and far. My family and work have been supportive. My mother has been the goddess she’s always been. So, I haven’t totally withdrawn. But God knows, I don’t feel anything close to myself.

So, going into the next few months, I’m really trying to push myself.

I know I’m not going to feel great every day. It’s been hard to sit and enjoy reading. Part of me appreciates it as a relaxing quiet activity I can turn to instead of being social. Another part of me can’t concentrate, or doesn’t find the same enjoyment out of it right now. But, reading things I know I love is comforting.

I think doing a video everyday, in particular, is going to be very good for me. The structure and planning is a comfort, but it also encourages me to be creative and social. Those are two things I know I need right now. Moreover, they’re things I would typically not seek out. Hermit tendencies are running pretty high.

So, please be patient with me. I appreciate you. And, know that if I go off the radar, I’ll be back.